You Can’t Heal Yourself Out of a Desire!

You Can’t Heal Yourself Out of a Desire!

Here you are. You were on the path of awareness, and on this path, what you’ve discovered is that your personal trauma in your past has so much to do with who you are today, including what you want. What you’ve experienced is that if
you become aware of this trauma and that you create resolve around it, you change. This also means what you desire changes. It is here that you make
a critical mistake. You Can’t Heal Yourself Out of a Desire! You’re smart enough to see that if you heal your trauma, desires often change. So what you try to do is that you play this game in reverse. You see that you have a desire, but you believe that this desire,
or the getting of it, is gonna lead to some kind of pain. Most especially the loss of relationships. So what you do is,
that you try to heal, you try to resolve the trauma, so that… you don’t have the desire anymore. Essentially you try to process
or heal yourself out of a desire. what you do not understand is that
this is not how the universe works. And this approach often does nothing but make the desire stronger. I’ll give you an example of this dynamic so it can make more sense. Imagine that a woman is raised
in a family and a culture that has specifically taught
her to be a wife and mother. Deep down she always had a deep yearning to become a success for
her own achievements. Not to have her success be
all about what she does as a caretaker for other people
so that they can succeed. So imagine that this woman
gets married and she has a baby. She loves them both, but she
still has this deep yearning for this personal achievement and success. Now obviously, She may look at this whole
scenario and think: “Well crap, if I line up with
that desire of mine, I’m not gonna have a husband anymore. He’s gonna have such
a big problem with it, if he doesn’t make my life hell 24 hours
a day making me feel guilty and etc, he’s just gonna leave me.” And she may look at her child and think: “You know what?
I’m gonna ruin that child’s life, because what he needs is a
mother to be completely dedicated to him and what he wants. So… You know… Be a terrible mother… Have my own kid hate me… potentially have him not get the needs
he needs meant for his success.” That sucks! That desire is gonna lead to pain, right? Or she understands where
this whole need of hers… This desire comes from. She understands that it comes
from her family in her culture. Where she was only ever
bred to be an accessory for someone else’s success. It was never something where she could be supported for her success. Now it’s tempting for this woman, based off of thinking that this
desire is gonna lead to pain, to think about this: “Maybe if I just resolve all of the trauma that I had there in my childhood, with my life always being about
someone else’s success, then it’s not gonna be a desire
for me to have personal success.” “Oh my god, I can just heal
myself out of that desire.” Basically, she thinks that if
she just resolves this trauma, she’s gonna eventually feel
amazing as a wife and mother. But this isn’t really how desire works. In fact, the more that she tries
to heal all of this trauma, so as to not have the desire, that desire gets stronger and stronger, and in fact, it becomes harder
and harder to feel satisfied in her position as wife and mother. The times that we tend to do this most, is when something that we desire, seems to be in direct opposition to the connections in our life. Social connections are everything
for the physical human. It is a more important thing than
even basics, like food and water. Therefore, it’s obvious and understandable why when it seems like a desire of
ours will threaten our connections, why we are so willing
to get rid of the desire, or why we’re so desperate
to heal out of it, so we can want something else that enables there to be
a good relationship there. This is even more amplified, when the social group that we are in, whether it’s a family or a culture
or a society or whatever, leads us to believe that
our desire is wrong. People have this idea that certain
desires are bad and wrong and that if you desire them, it
means something bad about you This is obvious to see when two people are facing
the issue of incompatibility. When it becomes obvious that someone is incompatible to us, but we really want that relationship, what we end up doing here is that we try to make them
wrong for what they want or what they are. This creates shame in them and then they start to deflect that shame. They start to make us
wrong for what we are and what we desire instead. This is the way that we hope we can create change
in the other person. So if they just see that it’s bad and wrong
about themselves, and fix it, and don’t desire that thing anymore, finally we can have them
and keep them with us. When we make the other person
wrong for their desire, when it differs from our own, we come up with a reason
why they’re wrong for it and try to heal them out of it (basically out of that difference), and try to change it so it doesn’t exist. Now, obviously it never works
to approach somebody in this manner because the
underlying message here is: “Something about you is
wrong and needs to be fixed.” That’s pretty much the opposite
message from: “I love you.” So obviously the underlying tone in this type of a style of relationship is eventual demise. Because it’s just a buildup of resentment and feeling unloved. It also doesn’t work because you can’t un-want something that you want. To understand more about this
you can watch my video, that is titled: Incompatibility
(A Harsh Reality in Relationships) Something that I’m very interested in having people accept is that you currently live
in a time-space reality of contrast, otherwise known as polarities. What you desire is always gonna be the byproduct of experiencing
something unwanted. It sounds a lot like trauma.
~ chuckles ~ Both personal expansion and
the expansion of this universe is occurring as the result of desire. This means that you have
to accept that desire always comes from the unwanted experience. At this point in our evolution, desire comes from trauma specifically. There isn’t such a thing as a good desire and a bad desire. Anytime we judge a desire
as bad and wrong, we really need to question this judgment and consciously look deeper into
understanding the desire itself as well as our resistance to it. Where people are accurately
feeling a discrepancy relative to desire, is relative to people who actually want something different
than what they think they want. Let me explain; For one man, he could want to be a multi-millionaire because he wants that feeling
of being financially free and that specific feeling of abundance
that comes with knowing that he is the one that created
that stream of income. For this man, being wealthy and therefore working
for it in this way, is his true desire. For another man, if he asks himself why he
wants to be a multi-millionaire, it is so that he can have women
be interested in him, because he wants a relationship so badly. Why does he want a relationship so badly? Because he’s lonely and
therefore wants connection and wants to be wanted. It is obvious then, that he has
not taken the direct route to getting what he really wants. He’s finding a back road to
get it in a roundabout way. Trying to make money
will not feel good to him because it is a means to an end. If he accepted his true desire he would probably go about
getting it in a different way. His thoughts words and actions would change to be more in
alignment with his actual desires. As a result of being more
in alignment in this way, he will feel happier and
achieve his desires faster. Keep in mind that people want things for mixed reasons sometimes and that’s okay. For example, in this previous scenario, a man could want to
be a multi-millionaire because he wants that feeling
of being financially free and knowing that that stream of
abundance has come through him and what he’s creating, and also, he really wants a relationship
with deep connection. If this is the case, it’s gonna be perfectly in alignment and feel good for him to work
towards being a multi-millionaire and at the same time,
he’s going to be prioritizing having close relationships with people. When problems arise, is when we convince ourselves,
we want something we don’t want. Problems arise when what we are
doing is just a means to an end, or a strategy that we’re using to get to what we really want. To understand this concept in depth, watch my video titled: If You Want To Be Happy Don’t Do This Speaking of mixed reasons
for wanting things, most strong desires are actually the result of mixed reasons for wanting that desire. Let me explain; Oh Yeah, and by the way, we tend to judge certain reasons that we want something as shadowy. Somebody who considers
themselves to be a healer, may have the reasoning
for being a healer, that they love the feeling
of watching someone feel better than they do already. Another reason might be … That in making someone aware you actually make yourself safer. Maybe in this person’s
childhood they experienced someone’s lack of awareness
and unattunement to be the reason they got
hurt over and over again. So if they can just make people
as aware as possible and heal them from all of their trauma, they can finally be safe in the world. That’s a really common
pattern, by the way, that you’ll see in healers. Notice your tendency to make this wrong because of where it comes from. The desire isn’t wrong. It simply suggests that where
the focus needs to be, is on what can be done to
feel safe in social situations. When a person looks at this, as a reason behind why they
are desiring to heal people, right? Maybe they’ll discover that the real problem
(being feeling safe socially) means doing something
completely different and direct. Maybe it actually does mean making people more aware and helping them to heal
so that this world is safer. Maybe that’s the empowering step. What really makes somebody safe in terms of their reasoning’s
for a desire, is if they’re conscious of them. It’s a very different thing
when someone is conscious of the fact that one of
their motives for healing is so that they can try
to make the world safer to live in for themselves, then for somebody who
subconsciously has that motive, but just keeps telling you:
“I just love helping people.” “I just love it.” At this point again, it’s important to correct
some of the vernacular that is making there be a confusion here. In the consciousness community, the word “Shadow” is used
for two different things. “Shadow”=Something
someone is unaware of. That’s the first thing. Second: “Shadow”=Something that’s bad or wrong
or out of alignment about someone. If I had my way, as you guys
know from previous episodes, I really wish we could
change this vernacular because it’s creating a lot of confusion. If something that a person
is thinking, saying or doing is not in alignment with their desires, well-being or
perhaps the well-being of others, this pattern of being out
of alignment in some way, is most often what people
call someone’s shadow. I would rather this be called
someone’s misalignment. The reason is that so often when I’m trying to get people
to be aware of their shadows, there’s an implication that your shadow is always bad and wrong. It’s not! Because shadow is really just
what your unconscious of. It could be amazing things you’re
totally unaware of as well. So if we could change this vernacular within our community,
I would love that. Now we all have to be aware that if we perceive that
somebody is actually in a state of misalignment somehow, what’s often happening there is not that they’re out of alignment, it’s actually that they’re misaligned with our desire for them. Now our desire for somebody is really about our desire for ourself. So what’s actually happening here, if you want to dive deeper
into the subject than I’m going to go into in this video, is that often, when we perceive somebody
else to be misaligned, what’s actually happening is that
what they’re misaligned with is our overlay. To understand this in depth
watch my video titled: Overlay (What Prevents You From
Having a Real Relationship) When we come out of this overlay state that we’re in so that we can actually see where someone’s actual alignment is, instead of our judgment about
something being misaligned, meaning that we can accurately perceive
what their desires and best interests are. Sometimes we have to face
the very real fact that their desires are in the opposite
direction of our own. This is what incompatibility is all about. The better you get at actually
honing in on your desire, the easier it will be to understand what direction to go in order to actualize that desire. It’ll be much easier to interpret what the best course of action is, that will yield the best results. So what I want you to do with this, is to ask yourself: “Why?”, relative to any desire you have. And keep asking it, and keep asking it, so that you can whittle down what you desire, to its most basic and essential self. Here’s an example; Let’s say you’re conscious
that you want a good job. Ask yourself: “Why?” The answer may be so you can
make lots of money and be successful. Ask yourself: “Why you want to make
lots of money and be successful?” The answer may be, so other
people start taking you seriously. So ask yourself: “Why you need other
people to start taking you seriously?” The answer may be so that they will
see you as worthy of connecting with. This exercise may prove to you that what you really
want is to feel like people want to connect
with you and value you. Obviously, if you know that you
may go about getting that in a different way. You may even see that the way you would try to get that experience
would give you the opposite feeling. Because in trying to get a good job so that other people will value you, it proves you don’t have value and they don’t value you as a person. Maybe if you do enough
healing on that feeling that you can’t be valued
for who you are, separate of what you do, you will choose not to take a job which is held in high societal esteem. Or guess what? It could also be the case that when
you look at this whole pattern, look at what you’re really wanting, you will still take a job that
is considered to hold high societal esteem. However, you will be doing this not because or so that this particular career
gets you that value, you’ll be doing it for
another reason entirely. Authenticity is the most crucial
thing to live in alignment with, especially relative to your desires. Because I’m going to tell you
the honest truth about desire; Even if you want to, you cannot avoid it. you cannot unwant
something that is wanted. It is not actually possible. Now sometimes, if somebody sees a trauma that might have led to a
desire that they have and they focus on the
resolution of that trauma, their desire may change. But guess what? It’s just as much likely that if you see that trauma
and resolve the trauma, the desire intensifies. Essentially, they just come at that desire with a completely different energy and from a completely different angle. We could consider it a
more in alignment angle, but they still have the same damn desire. For this reason, I suggest that you watch my video titled: How To Be Authentic I also, never want you
to forget something; The experiencing of something that is wanted is often the thing that is necessary to create the healing in the first place. When we’re into the awareness work, we tend to think that
all it’s going to take is us mentally and emotionally
going through this process. And that nothing actually has
to happen in the physical. But sometimes it is the actual experience of the opposite of whatever our trauma is, that creates the healing. To understand healing in depth, as well as this concept that pertains to the experiencing
of what you want, no matter if the desire comes
from trauma or not, is the only thing that will
actually heal the trauma, watch my video titled: What is Healing? Desires are always being amended. Desire is always evolving. It is a no end game type of a state. Now the faster that you
can understand this, the easier life will be. Because for thousands of years desire has been made the enemy. Desire is not the problem. It’s all of the things that
are opposing desire that are the problem. It’s your beliefs. Especially the belief that going in the direction
of a certain desire will only lead to pain. Or that I can’t have it no
matter how much I want it. You will never find a sweet spot in life where you have achieved
everything you ever wanted and therefore you feel
awesome all the time and desire nothing else. The reason you want that end state is because you associate
pain with wanting. What if the only way to not be in pain (relative to wanting) is to release your resistance
to wanting in general. And to the things you’re wanting. You have one option in this universe, it is to line up with what is wanted. Some people try to get around this by wanting what is. That’s OK, if it’s genuinely all you want. But the sooner that you will
just understand and accept that wanting is never going to end. And that the minute you achieve something you will want something else. And the more you resolve your
resistance to what you want so you can line up with it, and quickly, the less pain you will
feel around wanting. It may be the case that when
we discover a trauma and work to resolve that trauma
that our desires change. But we have no idea if
they’re going to change or what they’re going to change into. All that will happen
as a result of healing is that we will become more
authentic to who we really are and what we really want. For this reason, and even though
it’s a terrifying thing to accept, you cannot process and heal yourself out of a desire. You cannot heal yourself SO THAT you don’t have a specific desire. You can’t heal someone else SO THAT they don’t have a specific desire. Because this is not healing at all. What this is, is resisting a desire. Have a good week. Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte Subtitles by the community


  1. Being a mother and a good one does not stop you from doing something else Grand and epic , but take responsibility for the life you created

  2. I wonder do you have any thoughts on the fad and mainstreams media obsession with demonizing masculinity or toxic masculinity lol and how the same traits that 20 years ago we're critiqued by women saying men are too cocky full of themselves etc are now being popularized by females? Do you think it has anything to do with the knee jerk reaction of us entering the age of aquarius ? I mean cause I see the same personality traits that annoyed me that men acted like in the 80s and 90s now done by females , male or female , be humble and confident , not saying your portraying this , but mainstream media definitely is.

  3. I've been watching your videos for years and I've noticed that you have alot of bruises. You have a bruise on your neck in this video and it looks like someone has grabbed you by the throat. In your Ascended Masters video, your nose looks like it was recently broken and you have a cut on your lip. My question to you, Teal Swan, is who is doing that to you and why? Who's controlling you?

  4. Teal, do you have also recognized that in 2019 everywhere many things are happening and changing?
    Electric cars, swiss teenager and children demonstrating, vanishing of the paper money, more depression and desire for freedom in many people, climate change, politics facing harsh times in general and so on.

    Is it a coincidence or is it just me … ? Or is 2019 actually a very special year, as i feel it to be?

  5. Why cant being a good mother be original idea of a feminine success. I dont think being successful always have to do something with making lots of money or being positively famous etc.

  6. I did the reverse: I allowed myself to keep the trauma specifically so I could keep my desires. Living without desires is… empty.

  7. Thanks. I get it now. I somewhat faded away in life and now I'm sick. I've stopped fighting it. The illness. Just accepted it in my own mind. Quite angry but maybe that's why I got sick – from too much emotional suppression. It's a bit hard to explain how I feel. Not great.

  8. I made a friend although I'm not sure about it entirely. We sure do get along with each other well though. It was because I took the advice from your videos that allowed it to happen in my life 🙂

  9. Who is to say what one "CAN " or "CANT"??? ANY thing, and I repeat that ANYTHING is POSSIBLE!!!! ✌️✌️✌️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😊😊😊😊

  10. Psychopathic desires are always coming from severe trauma which even leads back to past life times and the level of soul development. I highly recommend to people to meditate every day for at least one hour. You can't force yourself out of any desire. But you can sit with the desire and the rawness of the emotion that sits behind the desire. When you sit with it for an hour and just allow it to be then the trauma or the feelings that led to the desire might surface and speak to you and tell you very important things. Allow that to happen and don't act out any cruel desires anymore. Work through this with meditation and allow the emotions to be there and allow the tears to well up. It is Ok to do this whether you are female or male. Men cry, too. We are all living beings.

  11. This is completely unrelated to this content but id love for you to do a video on the difference between supressing emotions and sociopathy 🙂

  12. I feel there's a lot of parallels between Teal's and Nietzsche's ideas. I wonder if anyone has pointed this out before?

  13. X Y… my story:

    For 3 years I believed X had deeply hurt me intentionally through a specific event that took place.

    Yesterday I experienced the exact same situation that happened 3 yrs ago, but from the exact OPPOSITE perspective, with a person called Y, Y was a reflection of me 3 years ago – and ultimately put me in X's position.

    I felt like a vail was removed before my eyes
    I understood how X felt and why they acted the way they did when that event took place 3 yrs ago

    I deeply forgave X for what happened emotionally and via email in written and I feel a lot better.

    Thank you Teal, thank you everyone for reading.

  14. Honestly my biggest question is where the hell you're getting all of these amazingly precise stock photos & videos, and who collects them 😂😂

  15. pleaseee TEAL DO A VIDEO ON HOW TO TALK/CONNECT WITH OUR BELOVED DECEASED ONES???!!! I recently lost my DAD whom i love the most In this Universe now and forever. I really want to stay connected to him

  16. Many people understand what shadow means. Those who misunderstand it are very attached to their egos. I see many called to this path who do it for their ego… then again, I have low self esteem and believe these people have in them my shadow self!

  17. No woman don’t cry
    Every thing going to be alright.
    Teal. You have the power.
    My mom did both spoke nationally and raised good kids. It’s a matter of desire and backing. Your info is golden. This artist says I create because I must.

  18. Feel like I recognize you or known you before! Perhaps our paths will cross, I also feel that I am here for a grand purpose and striving to reach jesusmode 2.0 😊❤🤣
    I will follow and watch your videos for sure!

  19. Is it wrong to have desire to make people more aware, so you can feel safer?
    This desire comes from childhood trauma because people were hurting you over and over again, because they weren't aware of what they were doing;
    something they wouldn't have done if they were aware.
    All this pain and suffering could have been avoided if only they were aware…

  20. I've had a big desire for at least 11 years. That desire was to find my happy city and so 11 years ago I left the town I'd lived in for 30 yrs and set out to find my desire – my happy city. Bet 7 & 8 yrs ago my sister interrupts my desire by talking me into moving back closer to home. And so that's what I did – I traveled back to square 1 and nothing with family worked out as I'd hoped. So I started on my desire journey again but kept making relocation mistakes and although I know what kind of city I want, I still have managed, very unhappily not to get to my desired city. And my sister whom interrupted my desire, well, me and her are estranged now. And the rest of my siblings never mention seeing me.

  21. My sister thought she knew what was best for me, not understanding that I knew (know) what is best for me and healthiest for me.

  22. Very intelligent and well written. Please don't ever desire to be a cult leader because you could convince thousands to drink the cool-aid.

  23. I can't be the only one who remembered Lucifer face saying: " So what is it, that you truly desire?" =D

  24. Best thing to do is kill the ego fulling your desire than make peace with your nothingness and live in peace for the rest of your days.
    Kill the wanter .

  25. I this video you dont follow the questions to their ultimate end, Desire comes from the ego construct which is not of our making there for it is not authentic nor can life be complete with out the death of its origin.

  26. The shadow is without light and with this without Love and what is right. While the shadow is not right it is best to accept that it is so, not to judge it so.

  27. 10:20 Yes, precisely. My desire is mixed for both actually helping people And the selfish one of making the world a safer place for me to live in.

    I value safety, and ironically, it helps me heal.

  28. I have always, always wanted to leave this world and move on. Even when I was younger. People kept telling me how life is worth so much and yadda yadda and I forced myself to keep going, trying ro abandon these thoughts. Yet I could never abandon them and now I want to leave more than ever before. This world isn't for me and I know it better than anyone else. My life isn't bad. I have a lot of things. But I don't want to be HERE.

  29. If it were a woman at a strip club an excotuc dancer , i would have went to her. Would if it were Juliana there , her weddung ring can fit the discription spoje in a metaphore , when bekueved it werent ti who l thought anymore…

  30. What if its an escort? Whst if she were Daniel, Beverly, Jennifer, do you know its me, i would have had yiu narried to me the first encounter i woupd have saw you…. you understand what i wrote… Im goin

  31. I feel so overwhelmed..i am an introvert and I totally used to understand Teal Swan and her teachings..
    But I feel so overwhelmed now…lately I had a colleague who offended me at work by attacking my personality..
    I am still in my head about it(any introvert will understand this)
    I need some help…I used to understand Teal but I have lost that connection with myself and her teachings.its almost as if I cant her anything at all.
    Please help me if you can @Teal Swan

  32. I have been ignoring having some of the desires I have ..
    To write
    To change my eating and health lifestyle
    To own a beautiful pair of shoes..
    I judge my desires so much.
    I have problems with deservedness..

  33. My mom tried to convince me I didn’t desire my husband. I did not know subconsciously I was still seeking her validation and tried to get it. Three years of self isolating, pain, sorrow and suffering later. I cannot heal out of the desire. I have learnt my mom was wrong and right. What I want is the freedom to choose and to be loved no matter what I choose. My husband acted like a baby after he kicked me out twice in a week. He was callous and cruel but I don’t blame him. He was angry particularly because I used to run back to him over and over. Suddenly I stopped running back and ran to someone else. I understand his pain and frustration but he refused to understand mine. I can’t change him and don’t even want to. I just wish I never introjected every time he got angry then I could see if he would have even loved me if he knew I wouldn’t put up with his rage. I’ll never know because I chose to listen to my mom. I miss him everyday but he treats me horribly everyday. I now feel confused because I assume if someone truly loved you, they wouldn’t hurt you this badly. At the same time we hurt the ones we love. The verbal abuse from both had caused me to lose my sense of self and think they are both abusers.

  34. You know how you said going back felt wrong when you were going to take frog poison? Going forward feels wrong right now, though I was totally ready to post in teal tribe after work when i left for work this morning, saying just be curious right now is a little like invalidating my feelings, if you weren't sure about me and i just told you to have faith would it mean anything? Or am i supposed to be curious about why i dont feel right about it and follow that like this could never work or be curious about how it could work out? I'm sick of these games for today

  35. Yeah you're right, my heart is fucked up and I got alot of problems, and I don't actually want your help all the time even though you are very good at what you do

  36. I'm not saying I couldn't use help, maybe later, but a mysterious quote is no replacement for a hint of assurance, but you run a gauntlet

  37. hmmm
    so i have to take my desire srsly?! " damn. it means work. i have to actually follow my desire to the roots, take action on them, eventually get healed in process so a desire switches to repeat the process.
    i want the izy hack lady not homeworks!!! 😀

    Thanks 4 vid! great one 🙂

  38. I really want a unicorn, but getting a unicorn doesn't seem likely, so committing to getting a unicorn doesn't seem like a feasible idea, but I still want a unicorn, so I do I justify committing to getting a unicorn when it doesn't seem likely?

  39. A desire a good strong relationship with a girl. I have talked to one across the world and plan to meet her very soon. This is maybe the hardest route to fulfilling my desire… so is this wrong? Unlike most of the other comments, this video has made me pretty confused 😂 hopefully someone can try and answer this question

  40. I love your art on the clothing. This dress (?) Oh I just love it. Some day I will be able to buy it & I'll send you a photo! ❤️

  41. I'm not sure if this thot I had is even related but your video got me thinking about the cartoon Peter Pan, in the scene when he is chasing his shadow, trying to catch it and find a way to make it follow him again. He gets upset not being able to and Wendy come to his response and sews it back on. Has there ever been a time for you when you were chasing your shadow and it didn't want to be seen?

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