1. '…you, then, who teach others, do you not teach yourself? You who preach against stealing, do you steal? You who say that people should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? You who boast in the law, do you dishonor God by breaking the law? As it is written: “God’s name is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.” Romans 2:21-24

  2. Away from the fickleness and hypocrisy of such people, the Bible is ahead of the game in its warnings of such toxicity: 'But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.' 2 Timothy 3:1-5

  3. Mine wanted a 100% submissive wife, but he's not responsible to be under Christ? He's twisted scripture to the point that we can no longer walk the same path. His fruits look like the 'children of rage/wrath'; his ears and eyes appear to have been shut, and it's now between him and the Lord. I forgive him and understand how this creature was made, but I have no peace living in the same space with him.

  4. Can a person with narcissistic tendencies and really loves GOD want to do the right things and not know they are behaving like a narcissist?

  5. I have heard from the police force, that some people use their religions to steal that regular persons would not get away with. I admit for believing like this. Especially when I was in Scientology, studying the so called masters. and astrology mechanics. I have also know some medical psychologists and psychiatrists that do this as well.

  6. Loved this! So glad you've made this channel available. I've been watching, listening to you on other sources and have learned so much. So glad you are "sharing" here, Thank You!

  7. Narcissist are huge in Religious Positions, and Academia. Let's not forget Narcissistic politicians regardless of political party.

  8. Thank you for this. I have read that 1 in 2 people have NPD. And I notice that 1 in 2 people in church has NPD.
    But the biggest place where I have experienced NPD is in the New Age. And it's a really powerful way to gaslight and control others. In my recovery, I have had to be careful around the New Agers the most. Even another NPD YouTube coach did this to me.
    This person tried to gaslight me publicly into taking her counseling sessions.
    She diagnosed me as a major codependent who needed her help. The problem was, I never asked for help, or even revealed much. So she invaded by phone. She diagnosed me as a codependent who needed her help right away because I was so deeply codependent.
    The only reason this happened is that I disagreed with 1 statement.
    She claimed the NPDs have all the power because they never get exhausted and can always get supply.
    I said that all NPDs reach a point where they alienate everyone and end up alone.
    So having this happen was particularly off putting.
    Well, I've been working on myself for decades and have slowly gone zero contact.
    This is even harder for me to do because I am disabled with free opportunities. And the NPDs of the world are constantly in my way.
    I ripped this coach a new one. And doing that to these wolves in sheeps clothing has really helped me heal.
    Thanks again for bringing this up.

  9. Thank you for this! I was duped so badly last year by a 'super spiritual friend' who I was convinced was so perfect and pure. The whole spiritual thing is a cover that I cannot believe I fell for…in my 40's! However, lesson learned. Her behaviour never matched her words, a liar, thief, a user/abuser, adultress, manipulator, control freak etc etc. We all have to be aware that narcissists can be any type of person and spirituality and religion are perfect places for them to hide.

  10. I Love Jesus… I have a Personal relationship with Him… He is my Personal Lord And Saviour… I don't believe in Religion… I Believe in Jesus.

  11. As the song goes "Jesus he knows me". But often, the difference between narcissism with a religious mask, and other types of masks is quite small. There are many power positions, especially on workfloors, where the boss or some wannabee shows some religious traits – often the worst ones.

  12. Loved this video. The biblical passage that comes to mind is Matthew 7:15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits." It looks like human nature hasn't changed much since the text was written and the rules for identifying these narcissist today are the same as yesterday.

  13. Look at your face !!
    It’s tells what you got in you !!
    Stop complaining or judging or labeling others :
    Really your irritating
    With all respect in your view

  14. Absolutely, my narc mother was very involved with church and literally believed she had a special relationship with God that put her above everyone else. Then my golden child/narc brother went into the seminary. The way they both used religion to validate their viciousness towards me and others turned me off religion.

  15. This topic reminded me to finish watching HBO's The Righteous Gemstones. You think your average cleric is narcissistic? Take a look at the megachurches.

  16. I had two people in my life who I no longer associate myself with who are religious narcissists. They tried to destroy my family and we were already going through enough stuff. Never again!

  17. I had an ex boss and an ex partner devoted Christians and Vindictive Narcissists with alarming Psychopatic traits. I even saw them bowing in Church. And for long I asked myself what the hell a Demon goes to Church for? It was after long time since I left them both that I learned and realized that if you want to have a great chance to meet the Devil, you better go to Church. Why? Because it is the only place where the Devil can go and find some "peace" in his useless and bizarre attempts at living on. There is though yet another side which I realized completely on my own. Those Narcissists really possessed by a Devil go to Church because they feel so battered in their bodies and minds that they bring their own crucifix in front of the most important symbol of crucifixion of them all: our brother Jesus.

  18. Another great video Dr R, thank you……I just wanted to add, that it's not only the "overt" narcissists who are damaging….this is a breeding ground for "covert, passive-agressive" Narcissists to thrive in, and fly under the radar with their mean/sweet cycle behaviour, and their false humility…have seen it time and time again….and because of systems of heirachy…they go to the people "above" them on the "ladder", and say how concerned they are about someone else (when they are really the opposite of concerned)…or say that another person is abusing them…when it's totally the other way around.
    The target, also has to be very careful who they call out their personal abuse to, as well…so many flying monkeys, and enablers, to discredit or silence them….Truly horrifying!

  19. This happened to me my ex-wife use our religion against me. She is a narcissist, she convinced me to our religion to have five children. She shamed me when I wanted to divorce saying that God frowned upon it. She even had affairs behind my back and denied it saying that the devil is putting thoughts in my head. I became a person I did not like and I was miserable. I finally divorced her but I’m still going through the heart ache of fighting for custody of our children. One last thing, One of my children has strong narcissistic traits now and now I am dealing with that.

  20. The narcissist that I know would never follow a spiritual leader. He will not commit to being a believer nor atheist. If I bring up spiritual subjects, he digs in and negates God.

  21. This is so satisfying because I'm coming from a very religious family. Like we go to the church 3 to 4 times a week and 1 entire day just being in the church which is a facade and pure BS

  22. Question/video idea: On a soul level, why would someone choose to be a narcissist, when there is apparently no growth/evolution possible out of that condition? And how can we have compassion for them—since they have no way out of their patterns and self-sabotage—and treat them with kindness without getting pulled in?

  23. Labeling people as narcissists is immature and trendy nonsense.
    Labeling people into concrete concepts is irresponsible.

  24. One of the MANY tipping points with ex-Narc/hub was that we had this deeply disturbing argument of him calling our adult son (his step son) to wish him a happy birthday. I had just woke up and was kind of groggily remembering that the day was his birthday so I remarked to my then hub that he should call him and wish him a happy bday. He said that he didn't want to because he had not heard from him on his bday. I told him that someone has to be the bigger person and it should be him since he was the parent. I heard him muttering under his breath that I never took his side. And I said that I didn't know a simply bday wish was something to take sides about. He flew off of the couch where he was sitting and proceeded to throw down a Comcast remote to the floor with such force that it broke. If you have ever had one of those remotes you know they do not break easily AT ALL. The next thing I knew he was backing me around the kitchen screaming at me in some fugue like state about how I am never on his side and he is tired of having defend himself and on an on. I was scared for my life! I had never seen him that mad before. As a witness and survivor of childhood domestic violence, this was my line. After he left the scene because I threatened call the police, he came back hours later telling me that the devil made him do it. LITERALLY, the devil! He described that the devil must have gotten into him and made him say and do those things. But he never apologized or stated that he wouldn't ever intentionally hurt me. I didn't divorce him right away but I decided that day that I no longer wanted to be married to him.

  25. Great video, as I have noticed many, too many pastors who are supposed to care for other people's soul, are the very ones harming them. It's the reason why I don't go to church anymore. I'm less stressed reading my Bible and worship at home than I am dealing with these demons at church (because that's what they are).

  26. @RussellBrand @rustyrockets just posted a video about narcissism and I am obsessing over how amazing it would be to hear you two discuss the topic on his or your podcasts!!

  27. The church is a perfect place for a covert narcissist to hide. Many men grab on to the idea that wives are called to submit to their husbands. Actually, Jesus calls men to be the SPIRITUAL leader in his family, and for his family to submit their cares, concerns, worries to him, and for him to love them as Jesus loves the church. Husbands are called to LEAD their families and have great responsibility in God's eyes. I was married to one of these men for too long and he used God as a weapon to push his own agenda. He passed away about 10 years ago and is probably burning in Hell now…

  28. You can write a whole new book on what I have to say regarding Re-Legion, for they are Many! Legion left that Vessel held in that Grave, and Entered the Swine, who then threw themselves into the Sea, as the Sea are the People! 🙂 The Beast, the False Prophet, and the Dragon….Three Unclean Re-Legion's upon Jer-USA-lem, "Spiritual" Egypt and Sodom where our Lord was Crucified, in the Heart of a Nation, One Nation Under GOD! ….The Beast is Zionism as it is Judaism. The False Prophet is Islam, and the Vanity of the Dragon is Christianity! …It is all very Disturbing, especially considering that Suffering Servant who is but the Messenger Sent! 🙂

  29. You preaching a word today ok! Most religions say exactly what you're saying. Genuine apology (repentance) and changing behavior is everything, not using religion as a scapegoat to do harm. I really felt like I was listening to my dad hearing you speak. He says this all the time.

  30. I think narcissists can also twist religious or spiritual teachings in their favour. When I told my Buddhist ex that I was deeply unhappy where we were living and I wanted to move, I was told “I needed to learn to be happy in whatever situation I was in”. 🤯

  31. Yes! I have run into MANY narcissists in churches. I currently work for a televangelist who is one. I also have worked for 2 other TV evangelist that are. One of them I did the marketing for him to buy a plane from Tyler Perry. I wanted to be a minister myself but after experiencing a lot of spiritual abuse I no longer believe in organized religion. Ironic that I work in one promoting it for a paycheck. But I’m working on that. My bosses kids are narcissists too. They have literally told me they don’t care about the people they just want to be famous

  32. Thankyou! I thought I was crazy for thinking exactly what you described.
    My ex narc used to use his " born again" status against me.He used his belief to rationalize all his sins. Telling me that he did not see the same path in me.Meaning he would use thus to justify a discard phase triangulating me with his born again ex !….
    Wow the hurt I put up with.
    But no more!

  33. Of course narcissists will seize the reigns of power that come with positions in religions. Within religion they can find an automatic captive circle, or even captive audience upon whom to work their machinations.

  34. Can you please speak about borderline personality and the connections between narcissism and borderline. Many doctors believe N. parents can influence the development of BPD. Would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you for your amazing videos the insight is invaluable ❤️

  35. Dr Ramani this is very important video. This is what I have experienced. Unfortunately, because of this people/abuse I had to leave the Church I used to go.

  36. Whoaaaaa, a Dr. Ramani YouTube channel? WHHAAAAT?? Fan of your videos from MedCircle.

    Appreciate ur vids. Thanks

  37. To me, Christianity is supposed to prevent narcissism in love. But, it's halfway because people people don't know their faith.

    The Bible claims that you will "know them by their fruit"/ behavior and that wisdom is valuable.

    Intelligence is helpful to be aware and watching their behavior esp in contrast to their beliefs, it's a red flag.

  38. All due respect, Dr. Ramani, how does this person differ from a non-religious person who has authority in their job or some for of governing force or position that could secular or theocratic in nature.

  39. Extremely dangerous people. They act like a cult leader. They are generally charismatic and demand adoration and no questions ask. (Heaven's gate, Charles Manson so called "family",Moon etc.). Thank you Dr. Ramani for reminding us to stay vigilant, to be our own person, and to follow our inner soul as we chose to. After all religion is a very private matter.

  40. I can't make this up seriously I cannot make this up I always knew that there was something wrong with my stepmother the way she was so controlling the way she manipulated everything to her favor the way she was never ever wrong about anything and the way she presented herself as being so religious she actually ran off with one of the leaders so that the world is going to end organizations had an affair with him ran off to Japan China I forgot where else came back 3 months later there was literally a missing persons report out on her and pretended that everything was fine like nothing happened not to mention the four times she told her children family and everyone she knew that the world was going to end on a certain date and never did she literally lives in our own made-up reality yet considers herself to be extremely religious and above everyone else because only she and a few select people can understand the Bible in a way that other people can't she is definitely High Spectrum in the narcissistic cluster B personality in her pathological lines in her never being wrong in her living in a made-up false reality I remember once there was a family get-together and she was dressed up like a teenager almost like a little princess like a doll dress that Barbie would wear she must have been around 50 she looked absolutely insane like the little old lady dancing on the beach from that movie but you are in that wheelchair Blanche you are I don't remember the name of the movie it is amazing how huge and Monumental ego is and how beneath everyone else is but like all narcissists they burn every bridge destroy themselves last I heard she bought this gigantic house with money that she barely has I have no idea how she's going to fix it up maintain it or get by as she would always say God will protect me and look out for me

  41. I have a terrible problem dealing with Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche from Tibetan Buddhism. He gives you many intellectual philosophical explanations for excuse his disgusting mistreatments on people. And you trully believe that you are so small and stupid in that matter that maybe is not a bad idea to believe his torture trough sorcery and Gaslighting is to benefit you in the end. But guess what! My life turned into a nightmare as it never was before. And I'm not more wiser, stronger or closer to enlightenment as he and his allies use to say. MENTAL DESORDERS ARE EVERY WHERE. Don't feel intimidated. Report to the Authorities!

  42. Sab naqli! Chehre pe chehre. I see it in our Quaker group, I see it in our Sufi meetings…I spent time with a Hindu fundamentalist friend…Mainly because I knew he is an extreme narc. I wanted to test myself on techniques and signs. Within 36 hours I recorded 87 narcissistic abuse tactics from endless lying, gaslighting, passive-aggressive, cornering questions, seduction, egg shells, triangulation, disorientation, attention switching [stealing people's attention by making a histrionic drama] and lying lying lying lying…With all the Hindu statues and prayers and meditation. But, one thing I didn't understand was, how does a person who does prolonged meditation not get moved at all by the Spirit? Strange. Great video, thanks ; ) K

  43. I was raised in a catholic household, My father didn't really believe in it but was the way to control my mother who is a hardcore fan, later in life I was really hurting emotionally and went into yoga and meditation (new religion I knoww) and encountered MANY of these guys, I was actually in an abusive relationship with a "highly spiritual" narc who other people in his profession saw as a genius mind, and I experienced a lot of gaslighting, so my childhood pattern of being accused as evil from the nuns and my parents repeated itself but it evolved into being accused as not smart or magical, it's horrible, I decided to just do my practice by myself to quiet the mind and not try to form community with the "spiritual" types

  44. My father throws a huge thanksgiving every year. I distrusted his motives due to his complete lack of humility. It was a disgusting display of opulence sanitized by a religious service. Why does everyone have to know if you want to do something good? I hid my true feelings about it because I felt like a heathen. No one knew that I was ordered to pay for a significant part of it, because this was God's work and " I had to contribute". I would have been happy to donate the same amount to a charity anonymously and quietly instead. It seemed a waste to spend all that for people who weren't in need to eat and drink lavishly for one day.

    This is the same man who fathered a child outside of his marriage and continues to be unfaithful to his wife. A man who likes to take services from small businesses and avoid paying. Who lies to us and always has an excuse for the most appalling behavior. And who is also high up in his Spiritual Baptist church. It seems one Thanksgiving wipes out the year's wrong doing in his eyes.

    He is the reason that I believed the closer to the church the further from God. Thank you Dr. Ramani for explaining this behavior and the reassurance I am not crazy to think he is misusing religion. And most of all for reminding me that there are a lot of good people in church too and I should not let the behavior of one man color how I see all them.

  45. In all fairness, every leader (no matter what level or facet of life) has certain narcissistic tendencies. In fact, EVERYONE on planet Earth has a touch of narcissism within them. But leaders are particularly prone to it. Just look at our government officials. It comes with the territory. Take President Trump's "narcissistic" personality away and what have you got? Just another wealthy politician who is only concerned with maintaining his position of power with no thought of helping American society as a whole. This is not the case with President Trump, and many baser politicians hate him for it. But that's "politics"!

    When it comes to "religious" leaders, that "God Factor" can easily display itself through narcissistic behavior that sometimes resembles delusions of grandeur that border on mental illness. Add to that the fact that the Big Three religions (Judaism, Christianity and Islam) all have doctrinal directives "defining" the relationship roles of men versus women, and one is left with a potential powder keg of spiritual (and sometimes physical) abuse.

    When referring to Christianity, I have an old saying:

    "I hate religion … but I love Jesus Christ."

    Jesus Christ is not a religion … he's a person. And it's worth noting that Jesus treated women as equal to men, though the Apostle Paul later wrote concerning the role men and women should play in the church, family and society as a whole. A lot of that teaching has become outdated., of course, in our modern culture. However, both Christ and Paul taught those related subjects in a most benevolent manner.

    What makes Christianity more potentially toxic is its teaching that average people ARE able to "hear" the voice (or direction) of God in their lives through the receiving of the Holy Spirit after becoming a "disciple" or sincere follower of Jesus Christ. That's where the risk of the ill-begotten phrase, "God told me!", is sometimes birthed … and used as a weapon against an individual or group. But it's really just a mixture of sinful PRIDE and EGO taken to the extreme … something that the Bible itself instructs against.

    Just a few thoughts on the matter.

  46. Dear Dr Ramani. Are there any job positions where there are no narcissist? Clergy, plenty of narcs. Business, full of nars, and of course anything artistic, musicians, painters, actors,…

  47. Hi Dr. Ramani! Absolutely love your channel, love your energy, love your insight & the way you explain these parasites! You're hands down the absolute best in my opinion! I have a question about 2, possibly 3 undiagnosed (BUT took the narcissist question test and hit all the questions leading to a narcissist) in my life….

  48. What if you are religious, but are afraid to divorce? I feel like I'm afraid to disappoint God if I divorce or remarry. It hurts my heart to know that. I still care about my spouse and religion is the thing that stops me from leaving.

  49. Hey, love love love your videos! Could you maybe do a video on narcissistic abuse by proxy? Like being abused by your in-laws? Thanks!

  50. Unfortunately, there are so many people nowadays who act so holly in public , but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Just beware of them.

  51. My blood Mother for sure.
    New Subscriber here💜 Thank You🙏 I went no contact back in March 2019. Now I'm on my healing Journey

  52. I thought I was going crazy seeing so many wrong things in the church. Thanks alot for this video this cleared my mind.

  53. Yep. .. My dad's a pastor, and i've learned not to take someone seriously because of any institutional status-

    That even yours as a psychologist, to be honest. My dad refused to go to any family shrink except this one who was already his friend and who gave them abusive advice about me & didn't call him out & defended this abusive /other/ shrink friend of his whom a /third/ shrink (whom i actually loved) told me that no one got along with. .. One can't count on people being professional /or/ adult, regardlessly of their position. ….

    Please be clear that i'm not out to subtly downplay your accomishments. I'm thankful for you helping people including me. I'm just agreeing that when it comes to character & even legitimate insight levels one has to listen & watch, wait & see.

    My mother uses that feigned remorse type of religious interpersonal brainwash, if one lets her, but that's different. While she's a highly manipulative person, i think she might have antisocial personality disorder or bipolar disorder or something instead of narcissistic personality disorder. Then again, i think people can honestly believe that they're pursuing spiritual wellbeing when they don't know what it would really feel like to because of how closed off they are to those sorts of challenges and even tenderness. That may apply to her. ..

    It's spooky and humbling how much we can call a skunk a rose and really believe it- isn't it?.. I mean, my brain can do it too. 🙁

    Well, i guess that's also how i embraced abuse for years and learned to call accepting it without resembling it freedom. …. but at some point, if you don't want the twisted mindstate to literally physically kill you, something has to give. ….

  54. I think I might deal with exactly that. It is so confusing and I don't know how to handle it. He is the new boyfriend of my mom so I'm seeing him quite often. He seems to be so nice and charming… he always says what he wants to say, so he gives the appearance of being real and authentic. But sth is just so off. He seems to be genuinely interested but then cuts you off in the middle of your sentence. Asks you questions but doesn't listen to the answers. Gets very personal, under the skin but in this weird way. He is always in the middle of attention. He praises himself c o n s t a n t l y. When I found out he cheated with my mom on my dad they both never apologized properly. They talked to almost everyone in church to "get things straight" and I believed it..but found out later they actually never said a word about what had happened, even his own children don't know. But all church members applaud them for "being so brave" and "true to themselves". He claims to have this huge faith in God but if I want to share my own spiritual experiences he always makes me doubt them through pointing out how this all might be bullshit. He always shows me quickly that I am a human being full of flaws also and with this he shuts me down. Every topic he turns around to talk about himself. When we do have a conversation I feel small afterwards. It is just weird. I feel I'm supposed to like him but I don't really.
    He gives this lighthearted appearance but it feels like being controlled most of the time. He says he cares about me but I'm not so sure…

    I actually do believe in love and that you have to be honest to be part of it.

    Any tips appreciated.

  55. It is not okay to hurt another, even if by accident or without intent. A sincere apology is not enough unless it is coupled with a sincere and sustained effort to never, ever repeat the mistake to anyone again. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I use to allow my X to apologize and then repeat the abuse later with another apology and repeat even later again… today? If you hurt me and apologize and then later repeat it, I will warn you that I will end the relationship if you repeat it again. I will cut that person out of my life like they were a cancer in my soul. Third time is the charm, no mercy after the third time.

  56. My step father. Cheated on my mother constantly, blamed her. Physically and emotionally abused me. Gaslighter extraordinaire.

  57. My narky is a yogi very devoted to his guru's principles. Amongst them is this one that says that you shouldn't choose a partner inside the community. So I left the group and we started what I thought was a discreet relationship but it was actually a secret relationship – so he could dump me at any time and not be criticized or talked to into commitment, etc. To make a long short: indeed he dumped me. And had I not tell the leaders what he did to me, he'd still be considered a role model there.

  58. The Bible warns beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing! Narcs cherry pick the Bible! They use the Bible as their get out of jail free card~ Jesus died for our sins- I’m not perfect I’m human- Bible says to forgive etc!!! Religious people automatically trust all people which makes for easy prey! Actions are facts!

  59. could you do a video about how childhood trauma carries with us for the rest of our life? trauma such as family death, abuse, things of that nature.

  60. Oh wow….I have a friend with whom I established great chemistry and I thought he felt something for me. We kissed on different occasions and would spend the day together. So he converted to the JW organization and now he cut me off his life saying that Jehovah wouldn't want him to have ties with people of this world. So I accepted his decision and wished him the best. But I'm heartbroken.

  61. Remember God is Love……and in order to show that u are godly, U give love which consist of compassion and empathy. Because u feel it. Has to come from your heart,and not false pretense. 🙂🙂🙂

  62. I attended a church for almost 20 years and couldn't understand why the holiest people seemed so mean and to only care about what they could get from me in terms of service. Once I wasn't available to serve because I needed to take care of things in my own life for a while instead of helping take care or oversee others, I never heard from many of them ever again. I agree with Dr. Ramani that some people in the church were the sweetest, kindest and most genuine people but they were few and far between. It makes sense now that there were quite a few people using religion to mask their overly critical and advantage-taking ways.

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