Ancient Aliens: A Response

Ancient Aliens: A Response

sometimes you must sit in awe of what
humans have been able to do we’ve gone from simple foragers on the
plain of ancient Africa to a species so numerous and advanced that we now
threaten our own existence and seem ready to take the rest of the planet
down with us historians explore but a tiny fraction of our species history
just the stuff written down really however when you talk to archeologists
anthropologists and paleoanthropologists you find a longer deeper and more
fantastical story going back to our first evolution from hominids long
extinct now the theory that humans evolved from previous hominids seems to
make a lot of sense because it does but there are some avant-garde theorists out
there who think that we didn’t originate from Africa but that we originated from somewhere else
of course that’s ridiculous it’s silly on the face of it we have a where am I
it’s like the set of some cheap science fiction movie you are in my space zone
human Tristan is this am I on a spaceship yes you’re on my spaceship and you are I
am Gleep Glorp from the planet Fleep Florp I have traveled from beyond the
heavens to teach you the error of your ways I have assumed the form of the most
attractive and beautiful human on this planet sorry is that Thought Slime looks
like Thought Slime and you’re wearing a Ghoulies shirt no no I’m Gleep Glorp I’m Gleep Glorp
so I’ve been abducted you said yes welcome to space. Am I being detained? you are being detained okay all right You will do as I say for too long have you taught the
humans incorrect historic knowledge I will now show you the great deeds that I
Gleep Glorp have accomplished throughout human history and you will tell your
YouTube audience okay can you put the gun down I can please no all right okay so you are an extraterrestrial yes that’s that’s that’s big news remain calm okay but also be afraid for I come to
you in a spirit of hostility okay you’ve been watching over us for eons you say
okay so what evidence do you have that you’ve been doing this behold the viewing globe holy moly that’s a good effect this is one of my
favorite globes behold the Nazca lines these Peruvian geoglyphs are proof
positive that I visited your people in a previous age I mean it’s pretty
undeniable to see them from this satellite photo on your primitive earth
space satellites these lines look a lot like airport runways combine that with
these golden objects found in Colombia this golden trinket looks suspiciously
like an aeroplane does it not an aeroplane from space it must have been
an aeroplane in the Americas centuries before humans would invent them maybe
this is the site of an ancient alien airport or they simply mimicked my
technology in order to coax me their God back to them on that note look at these
Nazca geoglyphs massive images of various animals and figures made in the
soil thing is though these images can only be seen from above now I might not
be an expert on your human anatomy but I am pretty certain you cannot fly without
aeroplanes who could these possibly be for they’re for me they are made for me
not that it matters but I rate them pretty subpar in their execution I would
have given all of the animals swords like your human anime all right mr. not
thought slime let’s let’s just begin with the Nazca
lines he’s remade by people who definitely could have made this the way
that it works is that these dirt in that region actually has different colors
that are layered on top of each other so if you just dig up a little bit you can
get a different color if you guys remember that salt flat scene at the end
of Star Wars Episode eight with the red and white stuff it’s kind of like that
and that’s how they could make these geoglyphs as for the airplane that you
mentioned well the Quimbaya people have been making artifacts based on nature
mostly you can see it in other types of context here the evidence seems to point
to that your quote-unquote airplane is actually more a stylized
bird or a bat the only reason it looks like a plane to me is because I’m a
modern human so you know context honestly it’s not really great to make
inferences like this you can’t just say this looks like a thing I recognize
therefore it is that thing you kind of need to study culture as a whole you can
definitely take these out of context and say they look like airplanes but if you
look at them in the context of other works they are rather normal not to
mention that if they did have airplanes airplanes leave evidence
you know we’d probably find parts of airplanes somewhere anywhere really now
let’s go to the geoglyphs that you were talking about they were likely some sort
of religious symbol or maybe some sort of way to irrigate but they were
definitely able to be made by people even if they couldn’t see it from their
high vantage point they could just take a smaller picture and just make it
bigger so they knew what the image looked like they just they didn’t
necessarily need to look at it from above
it’s impressive don’t get me wrong but it is doable with ancient tools and
oftentimes people would make things big like this in order to have it last a
long time that’s that’s some pretty good fidelity you’ve gone on that orb it is a
very good orb it cost me 400 of your human dollars plus tax Oh
where? Best Buy Man, I haven’t gone to that store in a long time
I’m noticing a distinct amount of gravity here so like are we really in space like
can I look out a window silence human you’re in no position to make demands besides
everything is technically in space technically correct but that’s kind of
correct if the Nazca lines do not convince your foolish human mind
what about the great pyramids well actually we have a pretty good idea
about how the pyramids were built yes by aliens mm-hmm can you explain the crazy
lighting situation looking inside the ancient Egyptian tombs we don’t find
layers of silt and carbon like you’d expect if they had used torches some
people claim they used mirrors like in the hit film The Mummy
which was more accurate than you might think by the way you’re welcome for the
being you call Brendan Fraser he was one of my creations in a bygone age anyway
the mirrors won’t be able to reflect enough light to illuminate these tombs
you see so how did the pyramids get lit as the kids say simple
they used lightbulbs behold the Dendera light here we have carved into stone
clear proof that the ancient Egyptians had lightbulbs millennia before humans
would ever invent them there are even references to high poles covered in
copper perfect for transmitting human electricity and what perchance powered
these lightbulbs well my sceptical friend look at this
battery found in ancient Iraq yes within this part was a tube of copper and an
iron rod the ceramic was sealed allowing for an acidic chemical reaction to
produce electricity much like your human potato battery it is these batteries
which lit up the ancient Egyptian temples again thanks to the noble gift
of the knowledge of electricity my people
so benevolently bestowed upon yours so this light bulb that you’re pointing to
definitely looks a lot more like a depiction of something called a Djed pillar and a lotus flower it’s just like with the Quimbaya air plane it looks like a modern thing because I’m a modern person
looking at it but if you look at it without that sort of context the
cultural context of Egyptian people yeah you’re gonna get some bad inferences
it’s actually a rather commonly found ancient symbol in the Egyptian religion
it’s a pillar symbol in hieroglyphics that represents stability this pillar is
often associated with their Creator God Ptah and another god named Osiris these
are like the gods of the afterlife the underworld the dead Egyptians were
obsessed with death okay but it’s supposed to be the Ptah’s spine if I
remember correctly if you look down at the bottom of this light bulb you can
see two arms sticking out which if you think of it as a backbone that makes
much more sense there are also snakes coming out from
the lotus flower’ here to represent fertility which is part of the Egyptian
mythology if you know anything about like the annual flooding of the Nile
River and by the way if they did use electric lights there would be a lot
that would be needed to function there would be infrastructure there would be
wires there would be power plants there wouldn’t need to be all sorts of things
and I think that we’ve investigated a lot of these ancient Egyptian tombs
enough to know that they didn’t have like wiring in the walls or anything
like that and also if there were light bulbs there would be evidence of the
places where they were created there would be evidence left behind there’d be
old burnt-out light bulbs somewhere and we haven’t seen anything even close to
that and Egypt is like one of the most studied parts of the ancient world
honestly we find out a lot about ancient societies based on their garbage and
their waste and we have no evidence of broken lightbulbs or wire or old rundown
power plants and by the way you wouldn’t be able to power a entire temple with
light bulbs based on potato batteries actually why don’t we talk about your
battery for a second the origin and the purpose of what’s called the Baghdad
battery as you’re referring to here is actually rather unclear
it’s hypothesized that maybe it functioned as a galvanic cell
like you were saying may be used for something like electroplating which is
when you use electricity to gold-plate something or maybe even some sort of
weird form of electro therapy but there’s there’s a lot of issues with
that which is that we haven’t found any electroplated objects in this period and
there’s a lot of reasons that this thing dug up in Baghdad would not work as a
battery first of all the way it’s designed the functionality of this
battery would decrease the more than you used it due to like bubbles and
corrosion and stuff but also the jar was sealed with asphalt which would make it
difficult to empty out and refill with new battery juice the battery that
you’re referring to here also has no terminals you know the things that are
on the sides of battery is that you need to make a circuit the iron rod that
you’re referring to here didn’t even actually project outside of the asphalt
plug and neither did the copper tube think about it look at this thing where
would you put the wires on this thing to make a circuit on top of all of that the
power level would be really low to power anything for any length of time you
would need an unimaginable amount of these things which would require a lot
of production production that we have not been able to find the archaeological
records and it’s highly doubtful given the things that we found that they were
secretly making millions of these Baghdad batteries most archaeologists
these days actually think that this was more of a storage vessel for something
like old sacred Scrolls or something you don’t happen to be Sobek are you? Because if so I
have some questions about your methods yes of course I am just allow me to
space Google this Sobek character how do I spell my name S O B E K Oh God no no no
no not back no no gross calm down can I get a trans rights in chat though anyway but hold this carving that just
looks like some dude not just any dude I’m afraid straight-up
this is a stone slab found in Maya ruins in palenque it decorated the lid of the
tomb of the great Pakal on top of his tomb is this impressive carving note the
images of him sitting and fiddling with what appears to be buttons and controls
he even has a breathing apparatus attached to his nose and what looks like
rocket exhaust coming up the back of his chair the evidence here is quite a
slam-dunk I’m afraid that’s right my people also play basketball I’m afraid
this is proof positive of an ancient astronaut one of the many gifts I have
given to your strange and unworthy species okay this is definitely a funky
carving but what about context looking at the iconography it actually looks
pretty straightforward if you look at other pieces of art on the site
you can’t just remove artifacts from context and make a point archaeology is
much more complex than that if you talk to experts on Maya cosmology what they
would say is that these are what are called world trees below this is not
rocket exhaust it’s a symbol of the mouth of a giant two-headed serpent
which is the Maya symbol for the passage to the afterlife which you know would
make sense because this was put on the lid of someone’s tomb the concept of the
afterlife for the my people is actually really interesting but that’s that’s
different plus this is like a piercing it’s much more likely that this is just
a person put on the lid of a coffin instead of you hooking them up with a
rocket ship and them choosing this coffin to be the entirety of all their
depictions of it hmm yeah I guess that one was a bit of a stretch when I hey
wait a minute shut up it’s like you don’t even want to be my Herald well
with the interstellar kidnapping the employee compensation package better be
pretty good or at the very least maybe you can give me some actually good
evidence for ancient aliens well technically you wouldn’t be an employee
you’d be freelance but we do have a ping-pong table that’s pretty cool so
the evidence if it’s evidence you want behold the stone heads of Easter Island how did you get this all aliens have one
look at it it looks just like me no comment but um well the antennas
aren’t they fell off but okay we have a really good idea of how these were made
and even how they were moved into position they’re in by aliens no by people
actually have you ever moved a refrigerator one time they’ve the kind
of shuffling movement they actually did an experiment to show how you can they
shuffled them down the island it’s actually really cool silence this is no
mere refrigerator can you explain the ancient dragon fortress of southwestern
Iceland no never heard of that one just give me a sec according to this that’s
not real no it no I it’s definitely real I was there once saw dragon which are
also real okay well I don’t have any evidence to work off for that one sorry your it looks like facts and logic won’t
work on you your trigger finger is really tight right now yes I have poor
trigger discipline I see that there’s no getting through to you
earth sjw’s with facts and logic behold the mind ray oh I think the
safety is have you ever used one of these things before I think I don’t if foolish human you are unworthy of my gifts the ping pong table the pill
that makes you never have to poop again your ancestors were just as foolish and
primitive as you which is why they never could have built these marvelous
technological beautiful thingamajigs hang on a minute that’s selling my
ancestor is short quite a bit kind of the point let me let me use the let me
use the orb one more time and let me explain something to you okay but be
careful with it I don’t need to fight every single theory of aliens to cast
serious doubts on your claims otherwise I’d be here forever and by the time I
was done another season of ancient aliens would have aired and I’d have to
address all the new claims if this were a YouTube video and I left it here
someone would write the ancient astronaut theory they believed in the
comments and think they owned me this is my 9/11 truther video all over again
well not this time our ancient ancestors weren’t idiots they were ingenious and
resourceful in ways we arguably fall short of they didn’t have thousands of
generations of built up ideas and technology but they were still capable
of the feats you say were impossible and have you noticed that these ancient
astronaut people haven’t made any claims that the Parthenon or Colosseum needed
alien technology why is it almost never Europeans alien just because a culture
isn’t white doesn’t mean they’re incompetent this is
just racist pseudoscience and a lot of pseudo archaeological claims are made
using racism as their base assumption the idea that somehow race has some sort
of biological base which it definitely does not trust me scientists have tried
to prove that and oftentimes we think these people were incapable of the
amazing feats they’ve done because historians have rejected that the
ancestors of indigenous people were capable of such amazing things so
obviously they needed help from some sort of outside civilization these such
assumptions about people other than your own is in fact the primary element of
racism and unfortunately this probably explains why a lot of archaeological
pseudoscience is so popular these are just the most fantastic claims of pseudo
archaeology there’s an entire cottage industry of
people who sell this stuff a fake results they write tome after tome like
Erich von däniken who somehow has written over 20 books in the last four
decades doing what amounts to saying things look modern or people in the past
couldn’t possibly have done something impressive mostly in places where people
aren’t white or claiming that because something is misunderstood it must be
aliens people like him do it because they’re after money or fame sometimes
they manufacture a past to justify their racism nationalism or religion sometimes
they desire a more romantic and interesting past or are seriously
suffering from delusions either way what they’re doing is an archeology
archeology is procedural a scientific process which does the dirty and
grueling work of piecing together what actually happened with evidence and what
about you gleep glorp from the planet fleep florp the possibility of an alien
and intelligent alien that came all the way to earth and also looks humanoid is
practically impossible I’m going to unleash my secret weapon Isaac Arthur
behold when trying to predict the likelihood of other civilizations in our
galaxy Drake’s equation is both the best and worst argument for those
civilizations its factors for is on how many habitable plants there
all which is likely billions and how many of those will develop life and the
ability to transmit signal as we might detect unfortunately it ignores the
possibility that such civilizations might spread out over time to new stalls
and do so very rapidly on astronomical timelines potentially across the entire
galaxy in just a million or so years and I blink on galactic timelines so that if
even one of these potential civilizations has the desire and
capacity to do so they can leave such a massive footprint on the galaxy that
they would be impossible to miss and have no motivation to hide indeed they
are not limited to just this galaxy but can spread to maples too in this regard
it’s not strange that aliens might have come and visited earth in the past it’s
strange that they have done so and left no overt footprint here or anywhere we
might detect them such a scenario is only exacerbated if we consider any
technology which makes traveling and expanding such a civilization easier
such as faster than light travel or communication since it means they can
get everywhere much faster and coordinate their efforts follow battle
without that even annoying technologies like cybernetics and genetic engineering
such a civilization is doomed to fragment into a billion devotion ones
but that would hobby stop expansion anymore than the thousands of human
tribes of prehistory stopped expanding and dividing just because they couldn’t
talk to their more distant cousins so even if one of these tribes had visited
us and later left for some reason one would have to ask why they never
returned or why nobody else had come by if we won’t interesting to one of these
civilizations why not to the others and why would each have similar policies
about dealing with primitive species the only two aspects of ancient aliens which
tends to make sense is that they would be interested in us even if it was just
they’ll anthropology departments and that they might resemble us but not
because they actually did resemble us at least physically while the human form
is a fairly logical shape and the humanoid might not be an uncommon one to
evolve they all plenty of other forms evolution might spawn that would walk
just as well if not better even then humanoid is hardly human and
expect those real few who had that rough shape to bailey resemble us beyond that
Vatel they’d probably resemble us in mind in that they’d likely be a curious
and social group by nature since the in curious or antisocial wouldn’t likely
spawn technological civilizations asked you physically resembling us when they
visited that might be achieved simply by employing some equivalent of androids as
it’s easier to learn about and interact with a group you resemble in appearance
and behavior while there might be species out there who by coincidence
resemble to us quite closely physically they’d likely be millions nearer who did
not but who still found us interesting so if you encounter an alien that looks
like you it’s no coincidence nor a sign of distant relation but intentional
mimicry all right so who are you do you really want to know human this may come
as a bit of a shock to you but I am NOT a Gleep Glorp from the planet Fleep Floop or
whatever I’m thought slime from yeah I pretty much guessed yeah I got you pretty good didn’t I I bet you thought that this whole thing I
was an alien I was teaching you about ancient aliens but I think you learned a
thing or two about pseudoscience today believing crazy claims without evidence but but I was the one who did all the no need to thank me Tristan you didn’t do
anything my job here is done oh okay so where did you where are we we’re in space that part is real okay yeah we are actually in space is there a way back? no we’re gonna die I just want to step out and say thank
you to all the patrons who are making it possible for me to try some of this
strange new stuff I’m actually able to run this channel as a full-time job or
at least try to because you’ve been so amazing to pledge as little as a dollar
a month to keep the ball rolling you can pledge over at or if a commitment isn’t your thing you can give donations at if you can’t or don’t want to contribute
financially I totally get that but you still want to help step back then share
this or a favorite video of mine with your friends families or communities
that you think will like it word-of-mouth is vital because the
algorithm does not like this channel also subscribe to thought slime he was
excellent for being part of this and for everyone watching thank you was that
was that all a dream?


  1. I really really hope that sketches aren’t a thing to stay. I think your videos were at their best when you were standing in front of that woody background from like early 2018. That being said, I did like them in this video, but that’s down to clever writing

  2. Ancient Aliens (and all its cousins) really makes my blood boil. The people who watch it tend to be well-intentioned but undereducated, so they turn to a service called "The motherfucking HISTORY CHANNEL" in order to enrich their intellectual lives. And instead of feeding this earnest thirst for knowledge, producers pay a bunch of de-frocked academics to quote Chariots of the Gods over stock footage and cheap CG.

    I have working class friends who never learned how to spot a real academic source, so – if it's in a book – it must be as possible as anything else written in any other book. These friends will FOREVER believe that it is just as likely Aliens built the pyramids as Egyptian slaves….that it is just as likely pyramids are advanced chemical processing units as burial monuments. It's not because they're stupid; it's because they watched a documentary on "THE fuck-blasted HISTORY CHANNEL" that lied to their faces.

  3. The style of this video brings back memories of a completely different era of the internet, except this is significantly better.

  4. Pfff, ancient aliens is BS, it's obvious that we were created by a triple helix DNA advanced ancient human race. The alien theory is what the Templars want you to believe.

  5. I don't know what it is about the word "humon" but it cracks me up. Gleep Glop was great. Thank you for this, for some reason ancient aliens stuff was a part of my mom's brand of Evangelical Christianity. I was taught some weird things. I so wish I'd had the internet back then.

  6. Your section on the racist roots of the Ancient Aliens theory made me think of the "Nordic" aliens in "UFOology". They're essentially an extraterrestrial race that looks exactly like Scandinavian people with blonde hair, blue eyes, fair to tanned skin, & 6 to 7 feet tall.

  7. Please do more like this. Great educational content and very funny. (Also props to Thought Slime who killed it!)


  8. I have heard that the song 'Superfreak' is about a yrans woman….is this true?
    What about 'Brick House'?

  9. That was great and all but did you ever watch Ancient Aliens? They lie. They're liars. You didn't need to point any of this out but I'm glad you did. I enjoyed it.

    I haven't been here in a while. I'm glad you're doing this kind of content though. I'll check some more out.

  10. Wait, how did you get Isaac Arthur on this? I love him, but I didn't think he was willing to be involved with politics

  11. Tristan, what are you doing? They have a ping pong table! And flex time! You can exploit yourself at your own convenience!

  12. I want to join this club with you and thought slime!

    Also: the almighty President Trump told us all about the revolutionary airports, which have disappeared. So. Check mate.

  13. Meanwhile, I’ve been binging 3rd Rock from the Sun! Coincidence? ⭐️⭐️⭐️❤️👽
    Brendan Fraser is definitely one of the Gods… and Monsters. 😋
    And I would say, hewMAWNS, that the definitive proof that we were visited by aliens isn’t pyramids or petroglyphs, it’s Capitalism! The Ferengi visited us and left us with the ONE undeniable artefact, the capitalist bible: The Rules of Acquisition. 🖖🏼😜

  14. Its pretty presumptuous to say ancient aliens is racist just because a lot of their sites are outside of Europe. Stone hangs for example is one of the sites they attribute to aliens and that is in Europe. What is actually the case is they pick sites with mysterious or particularly impressive structures. We can all agree the show is dumb, but accusing it of being racist is a stretch.

  15. The ancient alien idea is fascinating, but it can't be denied that it is to a degree rooted in prejudice, a possibility and fact many fans of the idea refuse to acknowledge.

  16. I'm not saying ancient astronaut theorists are all vicious racists. I'm saying, their theories are a product of a racist cultural milieu.

  17. I totally thought I would hate this vid cus I hate ancient alien conspiracies!! 3 thumbs up from me, a fleep florpian!

  18. All seriousness great video! Love the movie style and take down/exposing Ancient Alien's racist core. I always hate it when people say, "They worshiped the aliens as gods!" I roll my eyes with anger every time because these people love cherry picking/taking things out of context, the later of which you clearly pointed out in the video

  19. The truth is out there. I want to believe. But in all seriousness… I think aliens probably have seen how destructive earthlings are and they don't really want to have anything to do with us. Aliens if there are any I think they'd be beyond our understanding.

  20. Learn more about when history meets conspiracy theory here:

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