A Master Class in Kicking Ass | The Paranormal Action Squad | Episode 7

A Master Class in Kicking Ass | The Paranormal Action Squad | Episode 7


All right,
which one of you kids can tell me
about this dinosaur? Ooh, ooh! Me, me! – It’s a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
– ( imitating buzzer ) Wrong. Dude, what are you doing? That is clearly
aTarbasaurus Bataar.It’s commonly mistaken
for the T-Rex as they are both therapods
of the Jurassic Era. This is a T-Rex, actually. Some say it is the meanest
of the prehistoric era. He’s mean because
of those tiny arms. – He can’t touch his junk.
– ( laughing ) Cro-Magnon man. Anthropologists agree
that he is one of
the first modern humans. Well, that seems odd. Why would the mythical
Sasquatch be with a caveman? Oh, shit, no.
Not again. Sasquatch. ( laughing ) Why won’t he just
leave me alone? Shh, shh, shh.
It’s okay. Just relax. No, Paul,
it’s getting worse
and worse. He’s been doing this
for weeks. ( laughing ) Whoa! Whoa! ( laughing ) ( laughing ) I can’t take it! It ends right here,
right now. No, Eddie.
Not like this, man. We’re finally here,
“Sass-crotch”, face to face,
“mano e-monkey”. Eddie,
he overpowers you
times ten. You gotta get
out of there, man. ( grunting ) Eddie, it’s like
high school. Just cry. Right. I’m fine. No, I’m fine.
I’m okay. I smell rainbows.( theme music playing )Paul:
I can’t stand to see you
like this, man.
You and Sasquatch
have to stop
this feud ASAP. It’s not gonna happen. My flying fists of fury
had zero effect on him. It’s time to throw away
your fists, Eddie, and think about fighting
this battle using your heart and your mind. Yeah, that’s
from Paul’s book. It’s called
“Crap I Pulled Out
Of My Ass.” It’s a best-seller. Proverbs such as these
are very effective. This is how I dealt
with my first foster father. Here, let me
show you something. – ( thud )
– ( Paul grunts ) What the ( bleep ), man?
Are you okay? Scanning for overdose
of recreational drugs. – Negative.
– Oh, thank God. I thought he got
into my stash. I’m offering peace of mind. Actually, it does
feel kinda peaceful. If you can find
your inner peace, you’ll learn
to accept Sasquatch and not destroy Sasquatch. In a quieted mind,
you will be nothing
but a frolicking bunny. Omm. Hmm, that’s nice. Let me see that flute. Omm. It’s not about fists. It’s about mindfulness. Wow. Paul, look at me. I’ve discovered inner peace. ( beep ) What the ( bleep )
are you doing? John Dickman? Wow! You’re– you’re the last great
action movie hero. When you died,
I wore a ponytail for a year
in your honor. Hey, drop the fanboy shit. This spiritual crap is over. We have it under control,
so please back off. – Omm.
– Whoa! The fists are mighty. I will make them…
your weapons. I just–
I’m gonna need a second. Eddie, time for
a hard choice. Let me show you
how to get revenge
on your nemesis. Or you can let this
bearded witch doctor show you how to spend
the rest of your life kissing the ass
of a monkey monster. Paul? Yeah,
this spiritual thing?
It’s over. Thanks for
the intense three weeks
of training, Paul. But, dude, come on! I got the ghost
of John Dickman to help me
take down Sasquatch. I’ve seen him
beat up nine guys and a wild Bengal tiger
all in one fight. You train with me,
I have one rule. Show no mercy. Oh, yeah,
and no crying. Actually,
that’s two rules. You know
what I’m saying. ( beep ) You’ve come
a long way, warrior. But this test will tell us if you’re ready
to pummel the monkey. Ready? He’s been pummeling
the monkey since he was ten. I understand,
John Dickman. I am ready. Release them. Holy shit!
John Dickman! Oh, man. I’ve seen
“Absolution Of Honor”
a million times. That scene where you
pulled out that dude’s rib
and stabbed him with it? – That was amazing!
– All improvised. I had summoned to help me
help your friend Eddie. You think you
can get your hands off your doodley-doo ding-dongs
long enough to do that? – I’m in!
– Whatever you want. I want you two jackasses
to fight him. – ( bleep ), yeah!
– Let’s do it. No, enough violence. Peace be with you,
all of you. Go! I’m doing this
for you, Eddie. – Try this.
– Heads up. Oh, Eddie.
I bet the flute thing is looking pretty good
right now. Listen,
I’ve done all I can do. Looks like you’re
living out your life with monster testicles
hanging over your head.Adiós.Wait a minute.
That’s it? You’re giving up? That is not
the John Dickman I know. Sorry, kid, I tried.
You just don’t have
the killer instinct. Sasquatch is
a wrecking machine. He will hit you so hard,
gonna make your mama cry. Or maybe it won’t.
Like you said in “Avenging The Evil
Avenger Part 4,” “It’s better to die young
while seeking your true power than to live a long life
with no power at all.” That’s a movie.
That’s all some bullshit. It means I’m going in
and settling this with Sasquatch
once and for all. Fine. It’s your funeral. Huh. This kiwi
looks rather dubious. Produce where food is
spelled with two “O’s” indicates lack
of freshness. This sugarless, no flour,
gluten-free, dairy-free, non-GMO, fair-trade,
organic cookie is nasty. The cupcakes are
pretty good, though. ( crowd screaming ) Oh, no. It’s Sasquatch. Hey,”Chew-Caca”! Oh, no. Eddie!
He’s gonna get killed. Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! I can’t watch. ( grunting ) Here’s a little something
I’ve wanted to do
for a long time. Are you done? Huh? ‘Cause if you look
at your invite, you’ll notice
it’s party time! ( grunting ) ( laughing ) Sasquatch! You’re done, asshole!
You had enough? You want some more? Feels good. – You’re done, asshole.
– No. Suck it! It’s going down. Whoo! – ( jeering )
– What? Orb: You killed him. I didn’t mean to.
He started it. Look, it’s his parents. ( sobbing ) ( crowd jeering ) I didn’t think
you had it in you, Eddie. Eddie: Shut up! My God,
I’m a cold-blooded killer. Sasquatch might
make it, Eddie. – He could pull out of it.
– I don’t think so. I’ve never heard
of a triple coma before. I hope at least
you learned something
from all of this, Eddie. Yeah, I am one strong
mother ( bleep ). But what I really figured out
is revenge isn’t so sweet. Like I’ve been saying, there’s always
a sweeter way, Eddie. I know, Paul.
I should’ve listened to you. You were looking out for me. – Respect.
– Respect. Boy, I just–
I just wish I had the chance to do it all over again. ( knocking on window ) Sasquatch!
He’s alive. It’s gonna be okay. Oh, thank God!( music playing )

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